24 07 2010

In all the conflicts I’ve amassed from anyone in this world, I formed a new type of motivation to get me through the day: Rebellion. To defy any scathing comments from whoever crosses my way, I drive and drive to achieve the goal, and I feel the pleasure on their faces when I defy them. I love this evil feeling. But evil doesn’t last long; I’ll need a new form of drive to succeed soon.

Shortly before “saving” the fish.

I dunno if this post contradicts with the post below the one below this one, but I’ll remind you guys again, I’m not a pharisee. I’m a busybody, a big nose. Anyway, I attended CF. Must’ve been two years. And on Friday they had more praise and worship than any other day, for some reason.

As a free thinker, when I’m not among them, looking at them weeping in joy and rejoicing in the presence of their Lord is truly, truly amazing. I saw John and Shing Yin up front, absolutely giving themselves in to God, but not forgetting to bring others in as well, guiding the uncertain on a precarious and alien path they wish to test. I saw the musicians, unable to raqise their hands, playing for God, the music beign their voice; Marcus, Emily, Vincent, Zach. 

Then I watched them all, and, believe it or not, sceptical ol’ Nick felt tears going down his cheeks.

Our Christian Fellowship is doing great. And I’m pretty sure the Buddhist and Hindu Societies are really appreciating their religion as well.

There’s so much good in this world.

P.s.: All photos on this blog are mine unless stated so, like the one from Google somewhere down there and this one. It’s from Zach. Sorry mate, I still can’t use my laptop, and my photos are there =)


Can You Tell?

17 07 2010

I am chipped. Not ripped apart, but it’s like water steadily dripping on a corroding rock.

I am losing the ability to have fun.

Withdrawing… Reaaaaaaalllyyyyyy sloooooowly.

Maybe when SPM finishes I’ll come back. Or maybe this is the real me? I can’t accomplish anything if I haven’t discovered the first layer of my personality.

Gosh, I hate it when I see you getting injured and feeling hurt =( But you’re a strong girl, you’ll be over it in no time.

Truthfully, I’m writing this with a subconscious mind. I am half alive. My soul drifts here and there, tired, but I don’t know how to gain spiritual sleep.

What is this? This tightness. It’s strangling me. I can’t converse with people anymore. Will anyone help me?

I am in silent, emotionless despair. I cannot feel it, but it is conquering me.

And it helps me improve my English with these essays.

Blogging At A Gym

17 07 2010

… This is so… Sad.

I can’t even get to upload photos onto the blog, cause I’m on my mom’s laptop, in the middle of the most facilitated gyms, Fitness First, complete with swimming pool. But no pictures, so I’m kinda lost.

Thank God I realized I’ll just grab some pleasant looking photos from my Facebook album. Maybe a picture of me choking for breath under a riveer(small, safe stream).


Anyway, once again, I’ll reserve a part of this post for reflections, serious talk, etc.

Damn. I stopped typing here awhile to find photos on Facebook, then this laptop says I don’t have to correct program to open or move the files. Bummer. Another no photo post. Sorry guys.

Right. I proclaim this week as Religion Inquiry Week, or, to be more specific, and so I don’t need to refer to Christianity as religion, Christianity Inquiry Week. Got a nice ring to it.

I asked question that have been bothering me, and restricting me from joining my friends in Christianity. Unfortunately, I have too many. I doubt religion will play a big part in my life. Believe in God, be good in life. My story.

Anyway, here’re some questions, the harder ones I asked Liesl and Ian. You can answer in my comment box, any of you who want to share. I only hope you don’t compare me to a Pharisee or something :/ And I hope this’ll help you with your faith. =)

Is God omnipotent? Yes.

Is he all-knowing? Yes.

Is Satan all-knowing, or omnipotent? No.

Why did God not destroy Satan, right after Satan fell? As an all-knower, he ought to Know Satan was about to promise the presence of Sin in every human.

What are your views on gays not going to Heaven? Agree? Disagree? And why. My personal answer is I disagree that gays are denied access?

If your answer for Question 1 was that God loved Satan, and refused to destroy him, did God realize that all humans who sinned would be “destroyed” if he threw Satan ibnto the “lake of fire” after satan wrecked havoc?

What are your views on the Book Of Job? What do you think about the challenges God allowed Satan to put through Job?

I never had such a… well, it’s a different posting from what I normally do. Anyways, please do comment. Once again, I don’t mean any offence. Let’s have a nice debate on this.

See you, buddy. =)

He sat against a tree. The newspaper headlines read: Young Boy’s Body Found In Drain. And under that: Murdered right after ransom paid.

He rubbed his head, as if a migraine just hit. In fact, he was having a migraine. That boy’s picture. His composite. It was that boy yesterday.

Yesterday, he’d been walking down the road, after a nice row with his mother, who wouldn’t let him drive. Yesterday, he’d been muttering oaths under his breath, shooting dirty looks at anything that looked back. Yesterday, a black car had driven past, and a boy was dragged into it by someone who seemed to be his father. Yesterday, he just stared at the boy, deciding the boy was just a spoilt little brat. A brat.

He was too absorbed in himself, that the world was about him, that nothing really mattered. A boy wouldn’t matter.

No one can help anyone anymore.

So So Sorry.

14 07 2010

I hate it, but I’m going through another damn Internet bust. From now on, I condemn and boycott Izzy Internet Broadband. Anyone reading this, Izzy sucks. Really. They even asked us when we’re gonna cut our broadband, cause they’re busy.

Screw it.

Well, it won’t hurt to cut internet awhile. Blogging from Papa Rich. =)

Stay reading, readers. Thanks alot =D

Had The Sky Noticed Our Plights

3 07 2010

I noticed I’m much more withdrawn now. I don’t seem to want to mix with other people that much, and when I do, I feel awkward. Like an adept rogue, mixing with everyone but blending well with none of them.

What is wrong?

I know this isn’t me. I’m a fun-lover. Or am I changing?

I’m all burnt out.

Argh. You would do me a great favour by keeping me full of laughs, dear friend.

Anyway, I passed my Keahlian(the first Scout’s test) today. Feeling proud too.

List of goals and new things to try/trying:





Wish me luck =)Every light has dark. Every dark has light, inevitably. It’s like ice-cream and almond. You can’t have one without the other.

Will I…?

2 07 2010

What happened to simplicity?

I work to learn, and change constantly to adapt to this ever-dying world.

Pain, pressure, suffocation, and sadness. Sorrow, regret, anger, and greed.

I feel all this. I will lose. I will die. Why bother?

But the beauty I see in this Earth enthralls. It pulls me closer. And behind every soot-stained building, a sunrise awaits.

Love for my family. Love for music. Love for that special one. Love for all things beautiful.

Love for life.