15 06 2011

… I wonder why I bother to be happy.




Then I look at this pic and I think, “Oh.”


Love you. 🙂


true love stories never have endings

9 06 2011

    Endless seas of Venice, as pictured in my head when I took the shot.

Love’s a stretch. It stretches on and on and on, and sometimes you feel it’s gonna disappear, you turn the corner and realize there’s another few miles left of nothing but streeeeeeeeeeeeetch.

True love stories never have endings. But that’s a fictional story. Your love ends when you die. Then you go to Heaven, or Hell, or you forget everything you experienced, forgetting the one who held your hand as you passed away, and your soul gets into a newborn creature, and you live life again. Those are the common concepts.

But, that’s no reason to be sad. 

Cause you know you loved her throughout your life. You have no idea why you loved him/her (let’s use “her” for my convenience), but you did, and if you do it the right way, you’re gonna be with her for the rest of your short yet slow-moving life. Sure, death takes all, but we try not to be too sad about it.

Meeting her was a dash of color into a stage of my life I resigned to be full of studying and a long stint as a proud, single bachelor, all the way until I got my bachelor’s degree (pun intended). But she broke that for me, and I couldn’t be any happier at someone who proved me wrong without any room for argument. In the eyes of every lover, you’re beautiful, you’re sexy, you’re the best, the worst, the happiest, the saddest, and the most heartwrenching thing in my life. I missed you right after I said bye. Gaaad, I sound like a lil school boy who just got kissed on the cheek by his primary school crush on the last day of school.

I’ve seen her before. Two years ago, I stumbled across her Facebook account. Totally forgot about it. I remembered saying “Maybe next time.”

I’m glad she chose to appear at this moment, when I least expected it. I’m glad it was spontaneous, so magical, and so normal. So natural. It didn’t feel weird at all.

I’m also glad we’re not just loving each other for sex, or for the sake of being able to tell people you’re taken. I’m glad it’s not just some relationship we’re gonna get bored of. I’m glad we try to respect each other, and I’m glad we try to understand each other.

And after all the things I’ve said, I still dunno why I love her. That’s the whole point, really! There’s no logic in love, gotta agree with the ladies on this one.

I’ve always talked about how I longed to feel “content”. This just brought me even closer to that feeling.

Love you. More than… I dunno. I love you.

beginning to…

1 06 2011

I used to be an emo lil thing. I would never be fully satisfied with myself, my hair, my pimples, and most of all, my skills.

I started guitar when I was a kid in Form 1. Seeing people like Justin and Shaun play made me wanna quit. And I did. I loved singing and joined the choir. Everyone there was great. My voice was cracking. I never reached the notes the other tenors could reach, and I lost my voice almost every Friday after practice.

I learned to speak in front of a crowd from Standard 2. A nerve-wrecking experience that made me pee in my pants. Not literally, but yeah, I could feel my urethra quivering.

I had my first girlfriend, and I was jealous all the time, didn’t give her breathing space, and she loved me still.

I jumped off a ten-foot wall. The gravity hit my balls hard, and I writhed in agony.

Everything’s got a beginning. Everyone was a beginner before.

I pretty much believe, now, that whatever I’m learning, however stupid I look, I’ll know I’m a beginner. Beginners are allowed to fail. To be a master, you gotta be a beginner.

“You’re a beginner when it comes to being you every new day, you’re a beginner all the time.” -Jason Mraz.


I am a beginner.

no time

25 05 2011

No time to blog! Exams are coming! Must get straight A’s! Ergo, I’ve got no time for a nice long diary post. So I’ll resort to some skills learned from Tumblr, to make up for a thousand words using a picture. Doesn’t work as well, but it pretty much sums up my status right now. Love you guys.

Reblog if you like. :p

P.s.: I wanna love you long time.

this is an abozzo.

16 05 2011

If I remember correctly, ‘abozzo’ means a rough, preliminary sketch. Which is really what my blog’s about, really. I don’t think I have any drafts. I just write, and spit. I bet alot of bloggers are like that. 😀

So, I’m pretty much on the right track. As rusted as my uncle’s car, but going strong. Studying’s fun (which is all my mom could ever ask for), got great new friends, great old friends, and I’m on the way to finding my college love.

That makes me pretty content and satisfied, and even relieved. To know that I wasn’t doing well in school just cause I was too arrogant to understand the teaching methods of high school teachers. In college, it’s a whole different ball game.

And the stress is healthy. Helps me keep going, keep learning. And other bullshit!!

I’m as ready to spring forward another few steps like a cat.

Could life get any better than this? *smiles happily

…Actually, it could.

well all these things…

12 05 2011
That’s why I kinda like circles.

My Pee! It’s Not Stopping!

14 08 2010

Sitting at home, reaching the hours of late night. A mug of self-brewed Milo, with a pinch of Nescafe Alta Rica. Sweet, energising Milo counteracts the symptoms of coffee (e.g. cold sweats, fatigue) and maintains the coffee’s ability to keep one awake. Of course, those who drink coffee as an art’ll shun me. Those trying to study for exams, this is probably interesting to read.

But I’m a bit weird anyway, I still sleep like a pig(sorry, Malays. Especially during puasa) with any amount or concentration of coffee. Not like I’m addicted. The thought of getting yellow teeth scares me.

So with my dad getting high on opera in the room, and my mom out for a reunion dinner, I thought I’d jot something down on this public diary. The irony. Public. Diary. Before blogs, those two words don’t come together as a metaphor.

There’s a cat who got scared by some huge rat (I mean it. They’re as big as cooking woks) and ran to my shoe cupboard for safety. It’s still there, it’s been three days. Tempted to give it some milk. If my mom doesn’t notice, I’ll sneak out.

It’s kinda pretty. =) But the fur on it’s nose is kinda bent to one side. The cat’s driving my dog up the wall (literally).

Have you felt content? These moments, when you’re with a best friend, after running out of stuff to say, or you’re at a beach holding hands with someone who can’t stop thinking about the feeling of your hand, or in my case, alone, stroking my dog with my feet, accumulating accounting knowledge, cup of Milofee in hand, Andy Mckee’s guitar playing in my ears.

At these moments, you get to appreciate the many things in life, the beautiful aspects of it all. Each to their own point of view.

If you get some time to feel content, and just plain happy, it’s enough to get you through a real tiring day.

I was real tired and sick of the way life repeats, and the racial issues always in my head. But tonight, I felt really at peace. Another thing. When you’re with a friend, and silence falls between you, you know you’re close to him or her if you don mind just sitting there acknowledging and appreciating each other’s company. It’s a feeling so good, so pleasant, you could be all smiles for a century. Maybe not.

I haven’t written so long. It’s been awhile. This blog’s like a Pensieve in Harry Potter. Helps dump some thoughts off your head.

Unfortunately, no amount of relaxing can fill that horrible emptiness inside. A black hole, a vacuum. It’s something that doesn’t occur to me until I lay down to sleep.

But hey. Without these emotions, I’d be moping about the never ending, monotonous sequence of life.

Thanks for listening. Next post’ll probably be about food. I know some good ones, now. =)

“Many can’t get by without lying. And will there ever be a permanent truth?” Inquiry 1, Nick’s Diary.